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Notes on why english-speakers shouldn’t learn Danish.

1. Everyone here speaks english perfectly well.

2. They know when you’re not a native speaker. Always. Upon you trying to muster out a single complete sentence, they will convert to English, and ask you why you bothered trying in Danish anyway.

3. None of the vowels make sense, at least not knowing them as we have been raised:

"y" makes an "oo" sound

"u" makes a "eoo" sound

"a" makes an "eh" sound

"ø" makes an "oo" sound (that is slightly more "er"-y  than "y")

"æ" makes somewhere between an "ae" and "i" sound

"å" makes between an "i" and "oh" sound

"e" sounds closer to an "a" or "eh", and isn’t silent at the ends of words

4. The consonance don’t make much sense to the English tongue, either:

"d" when between two vowels, makes an "l" sound, but don’t tell this to a Dane, as they will inform you that it doesn’t sound anything like an "l", but more like a "th", which they call a "soft d"

"dd" also makes a sort of "th" / "l" sound when in the middle of a word

but don’t worry, “D” as in “Danmark” still makes a hard “d”

"kk" sounds like "gg", or when "k" is in the middle of a word

"g" is either hard (like "gun") or silent, but not necessarily because it is followed by an "h"

"r" is always soft, you never say it with as much force as in English, closer to an "uh" sound

"v" and "w" are basically reversed soundwise, but also meet each other somewhere in the middle

5. No one cares about the ends of words:

"have" is pronounced "hay"

"tager" is pronounced "tah"

"Strøget" is pronounced "Stroh"

6. It sounds like throwing up (note: this is not meant in an insulting manner, it is just so far in the back of your throat it sounds like air is getting stuck back there. this quality has also been described as “talking like you are perpetually cold”, “talking with marbles in your mouth” and “talking with a potato in the back of your mouth”)

7. They don’t even understand each other: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-mOy8VUEBk 

… I’ll get back to work now.

(Source: youtube.com)